Thursday, November 13, 2008

Wow, they inspired a rant!

The ladies over at The World of Wealth and Saving Diva have pretty well summed up how I feel sometimes--I just can't seem to get my act together. I want a perfect apartment, a perfect relationship, a clean desk every night when I leave work at 6 p.m. on the dot, straight A's in graduate school, a regular manicure and pedicure, hair that cooperates at all times, flawless skin, a great-fitting and modern wardrobe, overflowing bank accounts, a regular workout routine, and eight hours of sleep every night. And a healthy breakfast over the paper every morning.

Guess what? All of that is NEVER going to happen, especially not all at the same time. The best I can hope for is two out of however-many-wishes I just listed. And that doesn't make me a failure!

Sitcoms and movies have made me want more than is realistic, and honestly, more than I really, truly, actually want. If everything was perfect and easy...where would the fun be? Part of what I enjoy about my life right now is that I'm still figuring out how I want to make it. I'm just living on my own for the first time, and that includes figuring out my style and whether I want art on the walls or a sleeper sofa. I'm learning to balance school and a job and a relationship and time with friends. I'm figuring out whether I want to be sophisticated modern chic or bohemian artsy-funky and how to squeeze an extra $50 out of my budget for those to-die-for shoes. The challenge is in the learning, and the making mistakes, and the getting things right, and I wouldn't want a life without challenges.

That's easy to say, for the most part. It's still not getting me to the gym for a yoga class. Baby steps, that's all I can manage. When I feel like I've taken on too much, I just have to step back and let things fall where they will. The world will not fall apart if I say no. The world will probably not bat an eye if I say, "I'm not perfect and I don't apologize for that". I'm way too hard on myself, harder than anyone else, and I'm still learning to give myself permission to just be.

4 comments:

  1. "I wouldn't want a life without challenges."
    How about a DAY without challenges? :)

    It is easiest to focus on one thing at a time, especially if you are trying to change habits.

    Being a grown up is exhausting.

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  2. You are so much more rational than I am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  3. It sounds like all three of you need a hug ...
    And maybe unplug the t.v. (just kidding)
    Because you are very right - the programs that air make it seem like we should all be floating perfection 24/7.
    But when you think about it ... it would be cool for about a week, then you would be bored to tears!
    The imperfections & lows are what make the perfections & highs so darn sweet!!
    I think you are much more together than you give yourself credit !
    Blessings ~

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  4. @sp--yeah, despite my rant, I wish for a day without challenges...well, every day. :)

    @sd--only sometimes!

    @dawn--TV is so bad. I don't have cable, and I don't watch TV at all during the week. I've noticed a direct increase in my unhappiness with my life when I watch television, and it's cumulative--the fact that I watched every episode of Friends in college still affects the way I think I ought to be living at this point in my life, even when I look around at my Real Life Friends and see that our situations, while not matching the television, do pretty evenly match up with each other--which means that I am NOT behind, even when I feel like I am.

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