This is one of the most awkward posts I have ever written in my life.
Remember when I talked recently about our infertility struggles?
Turns out, there was one more question I should have asked when I
scheduled that infertility intake. Such as, could I possibly already BE
pregnant? I had been waiting for a sign to test for pregnancy, rather
than getting discouraged by negative test after negative test - but I
hadn't had any symptoms, just the same irregular cycles that the
medication was supposed to fix. It seems like an obvious thing to do
when scheduling an infertility checkup. But it wasn't until I had a
really weird dream about a week before the appointment that I took a test.
Turns out, I was pregnant. Turns out, I have been pregnant for quite some time
- about five months, give or take. When we went in for the
infertility-turned-prenatal-appointment, we were all amazed at the
little baby waving back at us from the ultrasound.
It appears we conceived days after I started taking the medication
my doctor prescribed back at the end of MARCH. The side effects of the
medication masked any mild symptoms I might have noticed in the early
months, and my irregular "cycles" have continued so that wasn't a clue
either*. Luckily, everything seems to be going normally and both baby
and I are healthy, and Peanut and I have a to-do list that's about a
mile long, because we have until Christmas to get ready to be parents.
The shock is starting to wear off now, and I want to sincerely thank
everyone who shared their thoughts with me both publicly and privately
after my infertility post. Polycystic ovarian syndrome is something that
I will likely continue to struggle with and which may affect future
attempts to conceive. I feel both guilty and elated that my difficulties
didn't last even as long as I thought they did. Elated, because hello,
baby! Guilty for all the things I did before I knew I was pregnant, like
drinking and doing certain yoga poses and changing the litterbox and eating
sushi and soft cheese and lunchmeat. Guilty for having such an easy
pregnancy that I basically missed half of it. Guilty because there are
bloggers and other friends who are
The last two weeks have been the most
surprising of my entire life, and I'm looking forward to things getting
back to whatever normal will be from here on out. Thank you again to
everyone who commented on my last post about this, and my heart goes out
to everyone who has or will experience any kind of infertility struggle
- I wish for you the news I received this month (only maybe, you know, a
littler earlier in the process).
* I have been put through the ringer by pretty much everyone who's heard the story, but no: truly, I had no clue that I could be pregnant. I
haven't thrown up in years, I haven't been fatigued, I don't weigh
myself regularly, my clothes have only begun to fit differently in the
last couple weeks, I have had what appeared to be normal menstrual
cycles (for me). I'm just...flabbergasted and embarrassed that I missed
it, but really, there was nothing to twig on to.