Friday, August 24, 2012

The OTHER Question I Didn't Ask

This is one of the most awkward posts I have ever written in my life.

Remember when I talked recently about our infertility struggles? Turns out, there was one more question I should have asked when I scheduled that infertility intake. Such as, could I possibly already BE pregnant? I had been waiting for a sign to test for pregnancy, rather than getting discouraged by negative test after negative test - but I hadn't had any symptoms, just the same irregular cycles that the medication was supposed to fix. It seems like an obvious thing to do when scheduling an infertility checkup. But it wasn't until I had a really weird dream about a week before the appointment that I took a test.

Turns out, I was pregnant. Turns out, I have been pregnant for quite some time - about five months, give or take. When we went in for the infertility-turned-prenatal-appointment, we were all amazed at the little baby waving back at us from the ultrasound.

It appears we conceived days after I started taking the medication my doctor prescribed back at the end of MARCH. The side effects of the medication masked any mild symptoms I might have noticed in the early months, and my irregular "cycles" have continued so that wasn't a clue either*. Luckily, everything seems to be going normally and both baby and I are healthy, and Peanut and I have a to-do list that's about a mile long, because we have until Christmas to get ready to be parents.

The shock is starting to wear off now, and I want to sincerely thank everyone who shared their thoughts with me both publicly and privately after my infertility post. Polycystic ovarian syndrome is something that I will likely continue to struggle with and which may affect future attempts to conceive. I feel both guilty and elated that my difficulties didn't last even as long as I thought they did. Elated, because hello, baby! Guilty for all the things I did before I knew I was pregnant, like drinking and doing certain yoga poses and changing the litterbox and eating sushi and soft cheese and lunchmeat. Guilty for having such an easy pregnancy that I basically missed half of it. Guilty because there are bloggers and other friends who are still struggling.

The last two weeks have been the most surprising of my entire life, and I'm looking forward to things getting back to whatever normal will be from here on out. Thank you again to everyone who commented on my last post about this, and my heart goes out to everyone who has or will experience any kind of infertility struggle - I wish for you the news I received this month (only maybe, you know, a littler earlier in the process).


* I have been put through the ringer by pretty much everyone who's heard the story, but no: truly, I had no clue that I could be pregnant. I haven't thrown up in years, I haven't been fatigued, I don't weigh myself regularly, my clothes have only begun to fit differently in the last couple weeks, I have had what appeared to be normal menstrual cycles (for me). I'm just...flabbergasted and embarrassed that I missed it, but really, there was nothing to twig on to.


24 comments:

  1. Wow, that had to be jarring and completely unexpected. Like they say, start with the simplest things first! Sounds like a blessing, congrats!

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  2. Congrats! That is fantastic news!!

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  3. Also please don't feel guilty. Just be happy! I'm so happy for you.

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  4. Wow, congratulations! Don't feel guilty. Like you said in your footnote, you had no reason to suspect anything. I'm glad to hear you've had a smooth pregnancy so far. Good luck getting ready for the peanut peanut (or peanut LMM) in double time!

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  5. Oh wow! Congrats! What a crazy story, I'm sure you're kiddo will enjoy it in the future :)

    I'm almost 27 weeks pregnant with my first, and ladies at my yoga class last night were trying to scare me that since I've had a fairly easy pregnancy (aside from about 4 weeks in the first trimester) that I'm in for a miserable 3rd trimster (which starts on Sunday for me). Since you've had a fairly smooth pregnancy so far, I hope that continues!

    And um, I still eat soft cheeses all the time as long as they are pasturized :)

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  6. Congrats! What an awesome surprise!

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  7. That's such an amazing story... I'm so happy for both of you! I was nearly 4 months pregnant with my son before I knew - I didn't have any noticeable symptoms - so I totally understand how it's possible not to know, especially when you're starting fertility treatments! Don't beat yourself up about it; the baby will be fine. There was no way you could have known, and it's not like you did those things on purpose. Congrats again!

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  8. That is completely mind-blowing. Congratulations, Mama. I can't wait to read about the progress of the remainder of your pregnancy. I miss feeling my little butterbean fluttering in my tummy. Enjoy every second!! I had the easiest pregnancy as well, it was only the final month I really struggled. Sending happy vibes to Mommy and Baby..

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  9. Oh, that is so exciting! I agree, your kid will probably think that's a great story later. :)

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  10. Wow! Congratulations :) You must be SOOOOO excited. That's wonderful news. What a great story!

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  11. Congratulations! That is so exciting! I am currently due in mid-November, so we aren't that far apart. Enjoy these next couple months and try not to stress out too much :)

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  12. Yay! And don't worry, I'm sure something will suck soon enough, and you can laugh and remember you felt guilty for having had it easy. I think our society is more than a little hung up on controlling the behavior of pregnant women, so lucky you for flying under the radar so long :-)

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  13. Oh my gosh, congratulations! What a surprise! I'm excited for you guys, and happy to hear that you and the baby are doing well!

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  14. Congratulations! This could not have turned out better - I'm excited for you!

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  15. Oh my goodness! I am so happy for you. A friend of mine found out she was SIX months pregnant with a very similar story to you. She really struggled with the breadth of emotion and panic and elation and guilt but she is now mother to a beautiful, healthy baby boy. Please don't let all that guilt take away from this beautiful moment. I wish you all the very best for a safe, healthy, happy baby. Congratulations!

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  16. How wonderful! WOW! Congrats to you and Peanut!

    Bonnie

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  17. How awkward and unexpected and AWESOME!! Congratulations!!!

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  18. woooooohooooo! yayyy, doing the happy dance for you! :)

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  19. CONGRATS!!! And just remember that babies were being born successfully and healthfully for many many years before pregnancy tests and before all the hundreds of rules we now have for pregnant women to follow. Just a generation ago women were smoking and popping all kinds of prescription drugs while pregnant. And other cultures especially have drunk wine and eaten sushi, etc forever without going extinct or encountering masses of disabled infants.

    I hate how guilty we make mothers in this country. My friend is besider herself because she had to stop breastfeeding after a month due to some medication she truly needs to be taking.

    There will be plenty of ways to screw up your kids later in life - try to relax while you can! :)

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